The Break Up – How To Say It’s Over
Filed Under Breaking Up
Which is more fun, a root canal, or breaking up with someone? Tough choice, right? When relationships go off track, at any stage, it’s often clear to both sides that it’s over. Yet neither one wants to end it. This weekend isn’t right, next week is a holiday, then we have that thing, and pretty soon you’ve made it last months longer than it should have.
Okay, sure, some people stand shouting in the street, with the girlfriend throwing clothes and pillows and books at her soon to be ex. Sometimes one of you is a real chicken, and it’s a phone message or a text message. How do you do it so that you both come out of it okay? The first step is making sure that you want to end it, and making sure you can articulate the reason why. You might have a reason you’ll tell everyone you dumped him or her, but I’m talking about the real reason why. When you decide to tell the other person it is over, you need to be honest with them, and tell them the real reason. You owe it to them, and to yourself.
Find some time when you can be alone with them, a time when you can do it in person and have time left over to deal with it. Of course, if this is a long distance relationship, you’re used to communicating by phone, so don’t wait until you can do it in person.
Whatever you do, don’t be mean. You may or may not want to stay friends, but if you do, you’ll want to be gentle, and if you don’t want to be friends, you still don’t want everyone you know to think you’re a jerk. Even though you want them to know this is real, and you have a good reason for doing it, don’t attack them. Don’t put up a wall between yourself and them. If he or she is taking it hard, be there for them. If they get angry, and start attacking you, try not to take it personally. They’re just angry, and you say things you may not really mean when you’re angry. Just know that this meant a lot to them, and now they are hurt.
Just because you tell them you are breaking up doesn’t mean they will totally believe it. You may need to give them space, or have a talk with them more than once saying it is really over. Don’t feel so much pity for your partner than you take them back just because you feel bad. You are entering a new phase of your life and you should feel positive about it. You may want to keep a good friendly relationship with them, but if they can’t handle that, at least you did your best.
It’s possible down the road that you’ll want to get back together. If you told them the real reason you wanted to break up, and they actually fixed that, it might work. This has been known to happen, though it’s more rare than you think. However, if freedom is what you really need, don’t hesitate to claim that freedom and keep walking away.
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